If Not Anything, Nothing Will Do! • A Short Play

If Not Anything, Nothing Will Do! • A Short Play

by Doug Stewart

(For production by LDS Church Groups, Youth Theatres, Community Groups)

A whacky, zany farce about newly-weds who move into an abandoned and condemned building, near an international airport and a prison, so they can live on what he makes — nothing! The couple is LDS so the first day they are visited by the Home Teachers, the Relief Society President, the Ward Genealogy Chairman, the Choir Director, the Bishop AND two escaped convicts, two police officers and a lady from the looney bin who is now living in the room next to the newlyweds. This play is a scream!!


  • 10M 5W 1B
  • 1 Interior
  • 25 minutes
  • ORDER #2051

Available for ALL producing groups.


The Perusal Pages File (in PDF format) can be read by clicking IfNotAnythingPERUSAL It contains the first scene of the two scene script.


  • Script in PDF format  — Order #2051a : $15.00 (from which you will be authorized to copy for your production)

  • First Performance Amateur/Educational Royalty — Order #2051d : $30


  • Second Performance Amateur/Educational Royalty — Order #2051e : $25


  • Professional Royalties will be quoted upon the filler form ZT Performance Licence Application  No production rights can be granted until this application is filled out and sent to us. (We are working on an ONLINE PDF filler form)


  • Cleveland Oklahoma LDS Ward — April, 2019
  • Pringle LDS Ward — 2004
  • St. John’s Arizona Stake — 2002
  • Tualitin LDS Ward — 2002
  • St. John’s Arizona Stake — 1997
  • Production in 1996
  • Morgan Utah Stake — 1994
  • Sharon 2nd LDS Ward — 1994
  • Manhattan Kansas LDS 1st Ward — 1994
  • Fresno West Stake — 1993
  • Wendell Idaho Stake — 1989
  • Ely Nevada Stake — 1987
  • Pleasant View 3rd Ward — 1986
  • Millcreek 7th Ward — 1985
  • Simi 3rd Ward — 1984
  • Orem 54th Ward — 1983

From the catalog of