The Farley Family Xmas — A Spoof

by James Arrington

The peculiar but all-too-recognizable Farley family is having for their annual holiday party. The audience is name-tagged on entrance making the “Family.” Heber Farley (Family President) introduces stranger and increasingly hilarious family members who sing – nearly on key, dance – without rhythm, play instruments- strangely, give eccentric advice. The ‘Family Program’ creates Christmas chaos that that leads to uproarious, side-slapping heights. Several audience/family members are brought onstage and are proudly given ludicrous prizes. The Farleys remind us of all our odd aunts, uncles, cousins, and neighbors. The humor is clean, the characters are more and more outrageous. The saving grace? After all is said and done, they still love everyone… even you!

PLAY DETAILS

  • CAST: 8m, 8f +extras
  • CHARACTERS:
    • CHESTER – An electronics geek.  32ish, a bit oafish, doing the best he can under trying circumstances.  Married to Parley’s daughter, Ruthie.
    • HEBER – The President of the “Farley Family Corporation, Organization, Association.”  He is mid-70’s. The MC of the Farley Family Reunion and events. Hard of hearing, doting, misusing words, running events from his pocket notebook, and perpetually earnest.
    • PARLEY – Heber’s younger brother, early 60’s. He owns the house containing the auditorium where the Family is meeting.  A security guru, but somewhat like a used car salesman.  A bit condescending and pompous.
    • AUNT VIOLA – Normally quiet and sort of shy, 40’s to 50’s. However, when called upon to perform (sing.)  She has a monstrous voice with an “operatic” vibrato like a Mac truck.
    • GRAMPA DEAN – The Patriarch of the Farley’s.  He’s 99, sly and rickety: cane dependent.  His legs tremble but he knows the slap cure!  Still sharp and expressive at his age but reckoning with a body that’s falling apart.
    • DELBERT – 5 or 6, this little boy has been spoiled by his overattentive mother.  As kind of a monkey on a chain, he’s been made to do too much in his young life and though he complies, he’s not happy about it.
    • AUNT BEATRICE – Heber’s step-sister, late 60’s to early 70’s. A remarkable woman and dedicated to her “business” to save the planet. Still vital and expressive, she is rather puckered with her personality, but expressive about her calling.
    • VONELL – Late 50’s, he maintains a “professional” countenance as a Nevada night club showman. Rather loud and loquacious, he hates silence. His singing is so overpoweringly jazzy that one can’t tell, with all the pops and gyrations, whether he has talent or just a patchwork of imitations and parodies.  However, Vonell believes he is a real artist.
    • RUTHIE – Mid 30’s. Wife of Chester and daughter to Parley. Obviously pregnant, she has let go of herself some. Rather crass she is no nonsense and has the opposite life rhythm of Heber.
    • EUGENE – Two weeks from turning 18.  He appears to be a typical “border” without the board.  Speaks like his generation, fairly smart with a real goal and plan to work it in mind.
    • AUNT VIDA & THETA – Theoretically unseen at the organ, off stage Right.  They are responsible for all the organ music playing over, and, of course, for the ripping unbelievably tried-hard-but-can’t version of “Sleigh Ride” that enrages Heber.
    • FERRELL – A “plant” in the audience, middle-aged, a little hefty.  Just a little mouthy.
    • AUNT PEARL – A perennial sunshiner in her late 50’s early 60’s.  She has the ability to love everybody while finding their flaws.  She is a little blunt, quick to enjoy, and no real sense of fashion. Far from a hillbilly or backwoodser, she simply sees herself as perennially cute.
    • ABBY, ELLEEE, LORINDA, (younger girls), PHIL (adult male), FIVE FAMILY MEMBERS (various ages), JERRY (young adult male), FAMILY MEMBER “A” thru “D” (D is a married couple) could be ‘Plants’ in the audience.
    • SWEETUMS –  A mostly silent, deadly pageant girl of 7 or 8.  She has one goal in life: win, win, win.  Her determined almost zealous race for perfection is countered by her youth and lack of real talent.
    • LONNIE JACK – A vibrant young Texan in his 20’s.  He is Aunt Pearl’s Grandson, and currently serving at the nearby the Air Force base. Rather narrow in his understanding of the world, he throws himself into his music with gusto and panache.  He needs to play guitar and sing well.
  • About 70 minutes
  • Both Simple and Inventive costumes
  • Simple but garrish setting
  • ORDER #3334

PERUSAL MATERIALS

The PERUSAL PAGES file (in PDF format) containing half of the script is available here: Farley Family Xmas PERUSAL
The video version of the play is available at: James Arrington Productions


REHEARSAL MATERIALS AVAILABLE

  • Script in PDF format  — Order #3134a : $30.00 (will be sent to you by email, from which you will be authorized to make copies for your production)



  • First Performance Amateur/Educational Royalty — Order #3334d : $75 (for the first or only performance)



  • Second Performance Amateur/Educational Royalty — Order #3334e : $65 (For each successive performance)



  • Professional Royalties will be quoted upon licensing application

EMAIL us for rights and information. Be sure to give us anticipated performance dates and the address of your group and, if different, your theatre. Please also include a contact name and phone number.
You might also be interested in these Farley Family TITLES:
The Farley Family Reunion (#3192)


PRODUCTIONS

Extensive tours over the years to many locales throughout the country as a one man show

from the catalog of